Cancer

[nowshakeit]

Pairing: Sakurai Sho x Matsumoto Jun

Rating: PG-13 (for dark theme)

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I don't own Sakurai Sho and Matsumoto Jun (if I do I would have gone doing things with them, not writing fictional stories about them, no?). This is fictional. I am delusional.

Length/Word Count: One-shot/583 words.
Beta:gurajiorasu

Notes: Still on the cleaning-my-draft-folder mission. Here you go, a dark angsty Sakumoto. Plot along with some words and phrases are ripped-off from My Chemical Romance's song, Cancer. Enjoy! Or not. .__.

I wake up that morning with a hand holds mine. Just like all the other days since I was diagnosed with fourth stadium of lung cancer. The day when I started to spend the rest of my life in the hospital.

But really, it will be better if I sleep on a night and never wake up again. Because even death will be much better than this... this so-called life. It can’t even be called as life anymore anyway.

“Good morning, Jun,” the person who is holding my hand the whole time wakes up and greets me with a sweet and serene smile. How he manages to put on that kind of smile every morning is a mystery for me.

I turn my head away. Really, why would this guy stay here anyway? I’m ugly now thanks to all the medicine and the chemotherapy that took away my physical beauty cruelly. My used to be beautiful lips, the lips that everybody would kill to kiss, are now just pieces of chapped meat with faded color. I can drink a thousand glasses of water a day and it will still be dry. No kidding. My hair? No. Don’t you start on that topic. It’s all gone now. No more beautiful curly perms or cute-looking bangs. It’s all gone.

I mean, it’s better if he would just help my aunt gather all my things and maybe go to a tailor to make a beautiful suit for my funeral. It will not be easy to make a beautiful purple suit in a short period of time and without good measurement, and nobody knows my body better than him. And I don’t want to wear my old suit on my coffin later...

“Hey, dear, what’s wrong?” he caresses my cheek and ducks down to kiss me. I dodge it weakly. But he seems to understand that I don't want to kiss him because he gives up and just kisses my cheek.

“Good morning, Matsumoto san, good morning, Sakurai san,” a nurse comes in and greets us in a cheerful way. How can she be so cheerful to a dead meat in front of her? So heartless.

“Good morning,” he answered her with a polite smile.

The nurses checks some things on my body and the equipments around, I really couldn’t care less. They also chat about a few things, a few things about life. While I’m here counting down my days to death, keep wishing for it to come faster, but it won’t, and I hate it. How harsh.

Well, I know he doesn’t mean it, though. He has been so understanding lately. At the beginning of all he was always all “cheer up, Jun, we’ll get through this together” but I think all my cold reaction to it has made him understand. There is no way I’ll get through all this alive. If not the cancer, all the medicine and chemotherapy will surely kill me any day now.

So I won’t be surprised if one day he sends me off to sleep on a night saying “good bye, Jun, see you in the next lifetime”.

But I really don’t want him to do that. Because I really won’t admit it to anybody, even to myself, but, maybe, the only reason I’m still here and not dead yet is because I still have a hope for living. That I still want to get through all this alive.

Because I don’t want to leave my Sho. Not now, not ever.